Where do you look for a girlfriend?

If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn’t be single, would I? 

Actually, I think I would.  I'm just getting back into the dating scene after a hiatus of many years (I can't tell you how many or I'd have to kill you but I don't believe in killing so I just won't tell you).  This time around, I'm going to be openminded and meet people who I might not ordinarily go out with.  But in reading profiles of women who are in my age range (you know... 20's and 30's like me), I'm realizing that we all have alot of baggage.  What?  You don't think I'm in my 20's or 30's?  Don't you remember they say you're only as old as you feel?  So back to the baggage; my house is only so big and I don't know if I can fit anyone else's baggage.  I don't think I want anyone else's baggage.  I've reduced my baggage to one large suitcase and 2 carry-ons (OK... I switched to the amount of luggage in my closet).  But the point is that I really don't want someone else's footlocker full of "stuff", like kids, exes, and insecurities.  But I'm going to give it a shot anyway.  At the very least, it will give me something to write about.

You all know I'm writing a book, right?  I thought it was going to have 5 parts, with the last part being about growing older (and wiser) together.  In other words, all those things that come about after you've been with someone for a long time (I'm not sure what "long" is but I'm thinking that it's definitely more than 2 1/2 years which is where I usually got tripped up).  I did make it to 5 years once, but I think that's more a tribute to my partner's endurance than anything that I did right.  The point is that I don't have the experience to write about a truly loving and lasting relationship.  I thought that I would interview couples, but the more that I think about it, the more I'd rather shove toothpicks underneath my fingernails.  And since I'm a real wimp when it comes to pain, I'm going to avoid it like the plague.  So the book will have to end after 4 parts.  But don't worry... if you follow all the advice and get a puppy instead, you're sure to have a loving and lifelong relationship.  It's working great for me!